Today I am randomly being selfish. Not mean, but straight up blunt with the dummies. Most days I choose to be regular.
The kind of person who doesn't fight or get angry. The one that chooses to sit back and smile, or just get up and walk away because it is the right thing to do. Then on other days, I get really fucking fed up. All I want to do is fight when I have never thrown a punch in my life.
I want to be heard when I know my point cannot be summarized quickly.
My emotions bubble up and I want to lash out in the most violent way possible. Juglar level hits.
Then I remember that being nice is not a compliment. Being likeable literally only applies during job interviews. Murder in some cases is necessary. Just like being, ‘nice’ I believe with my all heart that being nice is just a survival mechanism that prevents fatal danger.
In my reality. I experience a lot of tension every day. Out of the blue mainly from people close and far away. In those instances, I tell myself to choose my battles. Get what you need first. Then get revenge.
I think I've demonstrated to the world that I don't actually don’t give a fuck. You can perceive my unambiguous expression of emotions on the internet as a fight, if you'd like. What you did not see is the 1000 times I affirmed someone on the internet. Today I am tired.
I only come off as combative because I don't do things I don't want to do. Also, I am light skinned so people automatically hate me because of implicit bias. I refuse to be unhappy though. I refuse to deny myself the full range of human emotions.
Shout out to my psychiatrist for being fucking asshole and because he was right the other day. I get angry at his pragmatism towards my complaints about my job. He basically is confused, as to why, I work at a place I hate. It takes me until hours later when I realize he's right.
I have the power to manifest my reality. I'm currently manifesting my darkness. I am manifesting parts of myself that are unknown. All I truly want to do is make music. All my soul really want is be in control of its own destiny.
Modern hippies would have you think that the human consciousness is made of magic. The Esoteric Energy System is confusing, to say the least. It’s the whole system that governs living organisms’ spirits. Well, depending on your perspective it could feel like something out of this world.
From this perspective, I want to get up and do exactly what is inside my head. Some peoples’ ife circumstances cause depression and anxiety. Thus, leading to a cascade of other issues down the road.
The point I am trying to make is that it is important to understand how to cope. So, you can move on with your life, in the face of adversity. Or confrontation with me.
All winter, we have been talking about the human soul and the other parts of the esoteric energy system. We have been talking about Chakras and how to balance them. What we have not talked about is the why.
Why is Beyoncé so concerned with our soul? She was at the Soul Train awards this past week appealing to our souls and our good nature. She obviously wants the support of black LGBTQ. After her Everything is Love album, she may be doing this purely as a marketing scheme.
But, as an empath, I can tell that Beyoncé is not malicious. She has never alluded to anything other than her intense need for privacy. Her act of selfishness we have grown to adore about her. Why are acts of selfishness important in this age of social media?
We are inundated with a superficial and toxic culture. Where is the balance when everything is good and well? How is that authentic or honest?
Do you express what you truly believe or what others think you should believe. If you believe the soul chose the body, the soul must have some sense right?
Last week we talked about the iterative process of the soul. Its kind of like a new born baby.
Its valuable and should be protected at all costs until its fully developed. That’s the role of the parent. To allow the soul of that human to develop and mature into an adult that can create and change the world.
Most parents crush their children under the weight of their own insecurities. That shit is not fair.
That is why I think we have arrived at such a weird place in social media. You can look back at all the different profiles I have owned. You will see that I have never really been a fan of the superficial nature of the internet.
I’m simply tired of seeing the same thing everyday...your face! I want to hear your thoughts and feel your emotions. I would love to hear your voice or see your body move. Soul must interact with reality.
If you never sit down and think, how can you be self-aware? Not self-aware in relation to other people. Who the fuck am I? In relation to my experiences? That is an overwhelming question. The first you need to know is who the fuck to avoid:
Space invaders: It’s the kind of person who gives the impression that they need something, so you naturally want to help them. After that happens you realize that they never actually listened to your words or even considered that you have authority on the matter, even though they asked you for it.
a. Space invaders don’t actually want to improve any aspect of themselves, they would rather you be miserable with them.
Manipulators: They mirror what they think you want to see or hear from them. They normally do this to build rapport with you or get close to you. I see this a lot. Because I make an effort to be authentic with every person I meet. Its just easier down the long run.
a. This person will get comfortable just to change your mind using personal information you offered to them.
The best way to avoid people like this is to make sure that you never treat anyone else like this. You must remember that you are the supreme being. You can manifest the reality you see fit.
That reality does not have to exist at the expense of other people. You can’t police other people’s behavior, but you can start using it as a guide to self-help. Your body has the ability to alert you to several people that may only wish you harm.
The other day, I was discussing life paths with one of my patients and I experienced a number of synchronicities that indicate to me that I am doing something right.
Sychronicities always pop-up in my life when something big is going to happen or if I am about to experience a major shift.
Also, I watch for my dreams. They have a certain shimmer to them when they are normal flying stuff. But when my soul wants to alert me to something serious, there is always an element that I won’t forget, like seeing Sally Jessy Raphel, or having group sex.
Something shocking always comes before and after a major message. Something only I value.
There are times when I see 11:11 on the clock or 77.7 degrees fare height on the thermostat.
I make note of those weird signs too. Sometimes, when you are buying a car, you start seeing that car everywhere you drive. This is similar to that, but numbers are particularly meaningful because they explain literally everything about our world.
When someone is talking about me, people always say that expression, are your ears burning? Well, there is some truth to that expression. Sometimes, I think I listen to loud music, but when your ears are burning or ringing and its not after a concert, it may be something I need to pay attention to.
If ears are ringing, the louder it is the more serious.
One of the last things I want to mention were feelings of doom. I have this impulse often because catastrophic expectancy is real. Post-traumatic stress disorder is real. Black LGBTQ people are murdered in cold blood every day. But sometimes, in my case, where I cannot point to anything specific to traumatize me, my feelings of doom may be a dark entity.
Demons are real and may be trying to poke at your fear. Keeping you locked into the violence and destruction that is currently ruling our reality. It only gives them more ammunition against us.
I feel like if we focus on soul development, we can better understand ourselves. Looking at each other is fine, but when it’s all we do all day long, I get tired of the pageant festival.