Well I have to meditate first:
As a black LGBTQ person, sometimes it’s necessary to show someone better than you can tell them. So, that they can tell that your ‘No’ means ‘No’.
My opinions are valuable to me. I feel like I have to say that out loud because a lot of people lately have felt the need to constantly devalue me.
So here it is:
Black LGBTQ are not less than.
We are not equal to or above in anyway.
We are just here,
Trying to exist.
Trying to find our way.
Trying to find our joy.
Pleading with you just to validate our existence beyond what the eye sees.
We are just… here
Then….we expand. We’re expanded by God. We feel love and sing songs.
Listen to the Center of the Sun Podcast 👇🏽
We influence our peers with our paintings. The fluorescent colors are juxtaposed on a digital medium.
Our expressions begin to take the place our heart was.
The constant eyes and attention is always terrifying in hindsight.
We become spiritual. Furiously attempting to recover the vile ways people choose to hate us.
Focused on all the wrong aspects of our basic humanity. Its always abundantly clear inside my head. The memories don’t fade when pain’s attached.
Surviving the world’s survival mechanisms is my mission in life
So, I must revert to childhood days when I was grounded with no TV.
We only had only in the house anyway.
I remember the days I sat on my bed for hours. Without anything significant to think about. No music. No childhood trauma. Just my young consciousness.
The I realize the that my whole life has been filled with a constant recollection of certain memories of myself connecting with myself.
My spirituality becomes less about external seeking of a higher power and more about the elevating and expanding the power that already exists inside of me.
All of that time I spent singing and dancing and finding joy, becomes more and more valuable with time in a world filled with people who hate themselves. People who lacked focused and public ridicule during childhood. I begin laughing at the people telling me to meditate, like I haven’t already been scanning my memories lke a digital catalogue. Yoga focuses your mind. Not mine. Surviving in a world who constantly ignores the well-being of black LGBTQ. We are kind. We humans and experience the full range of human emotions. I feel like we are constantly devalued in this dimension because our humanity is valued in another. I feel compelled to perpetuate my exisitence. Therefore, I will continue to fight. Didi my soul choose my body?
Did I choose this exisitence?
Its time to take care and find a way to cope. If you can slip into your memory bank, you have already won half the battle. Go there. Feel your feelings again. Well, you can avoid the negative ones but find those memories that made you the most human and remember those things. Answers lie between them. Observe yourself. Be the judge in your own courtroom of consciousness.